Chapter 22: Illusion III
Since I kind of fell for the illusion accidentally killed Nine or two by mistake, no, there is no such thing as killing by mistake, what He Zhenren said to me. Let me think deeply, illusion is like a dream, why would I be hit by such an illusion? Because of what I fear, what I desire.
I was too uncertain about the sudden arrival of Nine or Two's love, and I had a hint of doubt about her from the depths of my heart. The heart is where the devil is. To say that it was the visions that harmed me was actually still my own cause, I felt guilty, so in the knowledge that if my death could be exchanged for Nine or Two's life, I resolutely chose death, and with my death, I could atone for all my original sins.
I felt the feeling of my blood spurting out, I saw the eyes of He Zhenzhen Fatty and a few of their worried eyes.
My whole body began to become light and fluffy, after which I died. Yes, I seem to become another me. Standing in my side of the child, everything is surprisingly so strange, I saw the wildly run over my old mother, my grandmother pounced on my body that kind of penetrating cry.
Bewildered, I felt very bewildered at that moment, was it a lingering fear of life, or was it a fear of the death I was going to face next?
It's a feeling I can't seem to tell.
–I watched the combined efforts of He Zhenzhen and Lin Bachan to revive Jiu Liang, and I saw myself being buried.
There was no legendary ox-head or horse-face to take me away, no judgment, no eighteen layers of hell, and I stayed in Locked Village. I felt the rapid passage of time, and I saw the desperate look in Jiu Er's eyes as she came to life.
After that, Jiu Liang gave birth to my child, I wanted to touch him, I wanted to hug him, but I realized that I couldn't touch him at all.
I watched my grandmother grow old with each passing day. Until she passed away.
I watched my mother's head grow white, and wanted to talk to her, but could only look at the pained look in her eyes when she was alone.
I died, I became a ghost, I became a bystander, but can only look at all this in front of me, watching relatives gradually pass away. Just like that, a hundred years had passed in the blink of an eye, and Nine or Two was no longer even alive.
My children have all grown old, and I'm still standing here. I want to talk to my grandchildren, my grandchildren's children, but it feels so strange.
Suddenly I want to cry, why can't I talk to my loved ones even when they are gone? Obviously I am a ghost, but I can't see them? Am I not the same as them even after death?
I wanted to find them, I left the Locked Village, I wanted to go and find out where they had gone. That kind of eagerness, that kind of hope, made me desperate and helpless.
I traveled through the famous mountains and rivers, walked through the underworld and hell, but did not find any traces of them, finally, I ran into an old man, white face, looks unusually kind, his body, wearing a Qing Dynasty official uniform.
"Tai grandpa, is that you?" I asked.
He smiled at me and nodded as he said, "Child, you see, don't you, that feeling of seeing your loved ones pass away one by one? The people you care about fading away while you seem to live forever?"
I nodded, feeling surprisingly resigned in front of this old man, not knowing how to speak.
"Suppose you didn't die just now, but you attained immortality, you can live forever and don't have to face death, but the people around you are mortal, and you have to use your immortality to see them die one by one, would you be willing to do that?" My great grandfather asked me. He asked with a smile that was still very kind.
This was a question that was hard for me to answer before, but now, I almost blurted out, "What's the use of such a long life?"
"Then if you use your death, in exchange for those you care about to live forever, would you be willing to do so?" Tai Grandpa still asked me.
I closed my eyes, remembering the feeling of my relatives passing away one by one just now, that kind of sadness that makes you feel helpless. If I could exchange my death for their eternal life, why not?
"I do." I said.
"But have you ever thought that those people you care about, they care about you just as much, if you are gone and they are the ones who live forever, do you think they can really live well?" Grandpa Tai continued to ask.
My mouth dropped open, this was probably what I was afraid of, I had just died, how did my mother live? What about my grandmother? What about Nine-Two? What about my children?
"What am I going to do?" I asked my great-grandfather's Tao with a tear-stained face.
"I'm telling you now, all of this is an illusion, the one you fear, the one you think about, the one you seek, and the last illusion is still the devil in your heart, you want to escape, to escape from all of this, but do you think that you can escape?" Tai Grandfather looked at me and said.
He sat down on the eunuch's chair in front of me and said, "Descendant of the Guo family, I didn't leave anything behind for anyone, but left behind my mission, what I thought."
"Everything today, I just want to tell you one thing, whether you cultivate the Dao, strong or weak, cultivate the Dao, but cultivate no humanity, what's the use of having the Dao? What's better than the reunion of your relatives? Since you can't all live forever, then live the moment." Grandfather Tai said.
"What exactly do you want to tell me today?" I looked at Grandpa Tai and said.
"Taoism does nothing, Taoism is natural, I tend to think that what the heart thinks, what people do, this is natural, a pursuit of nature that talk about nature? Today, I am here to tell you where your Tao is, and where your Tao is going. Have you realized it?" Tai Grandpa looked at me and said.
"My Dao." I closed my eyes.
I already knew that all of this was an illusion, it was all fake, but maybe because it was so horrible, I still felt like what I was experiencing, was real, and even if it wasn't real, the passing of a loved one, wasn't that going to happen?
"My Tao, is to make all this, not happen, not happen, never." I said.
Grandpa Tai looked at me and smiled lightly, "You can do it."
After saying that, his figure gradually blurred, the surrounding all of a sudden returned to the clear, I was extremely tired, want to rest, the illusion closed his eyes, but in reality, I woke up, I woke up, and found that the people around me were all looking at me from a little distance away.
The place where I was, was a water pool, and I was sitting on a lotus leaf-shaped futon on the water pool, He Zhenren them, watching me at the water's edge.
And beside me, a lotus flower, growing strong.
"Congratulations Guo Sanliang into the Tao, into the Tao that is to get the heart of the Tao, heck, the open person is different, we this born into death, is it hard to be for this guy?" Fatty looked at me, not without red eyes.
"Three two, that is your native lotus, it grows, you are also growing, one day if it can bear a black lotus, that is when you Guo Sanliang get the Tao." He Zhenran said. Looking at my eyes, they were all pleased.
"This can't still be a fucking illusion, right?" My entire person actually, up to now, still hasn't come out from the dream-like state I was in just now.
"No, you've done very well." Lin Bachan looked at me and said, his eyes, I can't see the waves of emotions, but it should still be relatively satisfied with me, I smacked myself, it really fucking hurts, by now it shouldn't be an illusion.
"But how the fuck am I going to get out of here! I'm here." That's the next thing I have to deal with, I'm in a pool of water and they're outside of it, am I going to get out lightly?
"How do I get out? Swim out!" Fatty called out from over there.
I looked at the bottomless water pool, also must swim out, the three of them are now suppressed by the dragon vein, surely do not need to take me out, just I wondered how I just came to the top of this? At this moment I don't have time to think too much, I can only jump down, swim to the shore, when I left, I looked at the plant Hejin said my life lotus.
A growing trend, but still so delicate, grow into a black lotus, get when?
The water is cool, is ice cold, I swim in the water.
The people on the shore to see me on the shore.
Until I go ashore and stand on the shore, I see inside the water, there are countless shadows, like a swarm of demons, those who see such a scene are definitely not the only one.
"San Liang, it seems that there are still a lot of difficulties and obstacles on your path to attainment." He Zhenran said as he looked into the water.
I nodded, this time I didn't say anything, but there was a voice in my heart:
What's the harm in that?